Whatever I desire
by wind-and-snow
Summary: Ciel ponders the wishes his butler can and cannot fulfill for him. No slash unless you want to interpret it as such and mild mentions of death


Hi my dear readers. I didn't post anything here for like forever and wanted to apologize for it. I actually should be working on my Death Note fanfic but this story got stuck in my mind so I decided to type it up.

I own neither Ciel nor anybody else mentioned in this fic.

* * *

><p><strong>Whatever I desire<strong>

I am Ciel Phantomhive. For me, the Earl of Phantomhive and someone who has formed a contract with the devil himself, the restrictions and constraints which bound everyone around me seem non-existent.

What I wish for, what I desire I always get, regardless of how much time passes before I can lay my hands upon it. Honour, money, the restored glory to my family name, my revenge. I will get everything.

How I can be so sure to be able to fulfill all my wishes? A simple question evoking a simple answer: Life is just a game. A game which can only end when my enemies are checkmated. And before you ask I can't be checkmated seeing that I am the mastermind behind the games I play. Furthermore I have the ultimate piece in my hands: Sebastian Michaelis.

For the measly price of my soul he will listen to my every beck and call. He can achieve any of my desires. Anything.

However there is one desire not even the devil incarnate can satisfy. Not that I have told him. He wouldn't understand. Neither would Lizzy or my servants. Sebastian knows nothing of us humans. The other people surrounding me are all still alive while I feel already dead inside. I have died that day when the manor went up in flames and my parents where torn from my small, helpless hands to their untimely death.

Thus, no one would understand the wish which sometimes enters my mind. Soft like a mother's gentle caress, while burning like hell itself at the same time.

Sometimes I wish I was the wind. Why?

So I could taste the infinite freedom.

So I could be witness to the wonders happening around the world.

So I could escape the shackles choking me and binding me to this senseless, tiresome and seemingly never-ending dance known as life.

So I could be released from the restraints posed on me by society, traditions, the so-called common sense and my contract with that demon.

So I could forget my past, forsake my present and escape my future.

So I could leave behind my sordid body, my oppressing memories, my depressing thoughts, my crippled mind, my detached attitude towards life, my weak soul and my even weaker heart.

So I could express my temper, weather as a cool, soothing breeze or a whipping, angry storm, not caring who is there beside me, even if it's the Queen in person.

So I could see the lives of other people and judge for myself if their lives are as bitter and cruel as my appears to be.

But my eternal, never-ceasing wish is to close my eyes and be embraced by death.

See, I told you that Sebastian cannot appease this desire of mine. Because I know that before I can see the gates of hell, taste death on the tip of my tongue, hear the bells' toll, feel the Reaper's cold breath on my face, and smell the morbid odour of my decaying body, my soul will already be gone forever.

Hence, I decided that I will settle for my other desire when all is said and done. My last command to Sebastian will be easy for him of that I'm sure. Sear the pain of my life into my soul.

Why? Oh really you ask such shallow-brained questions. Of course it's because I hope that when he devours my soul I'll become an inseparable part of him. A forever hurting part. A throbbing which will remind that devil of me.

There's this clichée that as long as someone remembers you, you are still alive. Wouldn't it be another interesting game to see this world decay up to the end of humankind? I think that's about the amount of time it would take one to decipher the devil.

Well, time flew by without me noticing. Sebastian's due to bring in the tea any moment now. Hopefully, today's dessert is sweet. I'd be delighted if you joined me. And please don't think of refusing because one thing you ought to have learned is that I'm prone to get what I want.

_Finis _

* * *

><p>Ok, that is one of my crazy, contemplative fics. I don't know which part of my brain came up with it, but I wanted to try writing like this, directly addressing the reader. Please review because I'm really unsure of this story and would love to hear your opinions.<p> 


End file.
